Learning to Deal: Letting Go of the Negative
By: Maria Caso
I’m a single mom. I’m also a life coach. My friends at webcitygirls// thought that was an interesting combination of roles, so starting today, I will be contributing some experiences and insights I have gotten as a mom of my beautiful and extremely self-reliant 13 year old daughter, Havana. Also, this will tell the story of how I might have done the hardest thing for all kinds of coaches, and that is applying what I know to my own family!
So, how do we let go of what bothers us? The skill of letting go is up there with most life-changing abilities you can have. My daughter Havana recently had a crash course when she left a brand-new Tiffany bracelet, a gift from my fiancé, at my friend’s fashion house, Showroom Seven. When my lovely teenage daughter realized the piece was missing, she went into panic. Actually, she went into total meltdown. She blamed herself, she freaked out that possibly one of the fashionistas at the showroom would take it, and then she began acting out with me, accusing me of not helping her find it. Not unexpected behavior for a teenager. So how do you turn a breakdown into a breakthrough? First, you must stay calm. Nothing is ever accomplished if you react to someone else’s insanity, even kids’. I began addressing the facts calmly. The bracelet was left, but no one will take it. It will be found. We will call and alert everyone to look for it. It will appear in the morning – STAY CALM!
As a coach, I know that being proactive, not reactive, is always the key to success. It’s a good strategy with little people because they are constantly testing us to see our reaction. Once Havana saw that I was calm and did not lose control, she could settle down. She asked what might happen if the bracelet did not reappear, and I said, “Let’ s worry about that when the time comes. How about a hug?”
The next day it was found. Teenager happy, mother relieved. However, as a learning opportunity I sat down with Havana and went over the entire chain of events, so the breakdown became a breakthrough. Havana had a lesson of learning to think long term, rather than reacting with anger and fear, and by the way, the negative feelings that built up between us were dissolved. The challenge is always for us to be bigger than the momentary situation, and to know that everything is an opportunity to guide our kids and loved ones through difficulties. We get the opportunity everyday to glide through life; learning what to leave out is just as important as what to focus on.
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Maria,
Thanks for the interesting and inspiring event with Havana.
You are a stellar woman filled with positivity and logic. Also having been in Havanas company couple of times, took notice that she can be more mature
than the adults in attendance.
Look forward to hearing and reading more of your positive impetus with life’s
concerns, reactions and advisory solutions.
Love,
Julie Marie
Very well handled and said, honestly and firmly, yet with love & heart!
Whenever I encounter a difficult situation with someone in a meltdown I always think of the great advice you gave me “Pass the broccoli”! Hope you continue to write your good advice
Maria
You have transformed my life in more ways then one. What a great way to share your wisdom & advise. Keep posting…
Gail,
You’re writing piece and advice are just marvelous. Thank you so much for share it
Even though i am not a parent I am a godfather to 7 . I applaud your positive approach. Thank you for sharing.
Wish I had you as my mother growing up!!!
Your wisdom and love has profoundly made such a difference in my life Maria!!! Would be so great if
you had a tv show, so many women could be helped..
Celeste
You have an amazing way to get to the issues and give me clarity — you are also gentle but firm with me….just exactly what works!!
Maria, U always nail it!! Great lesson for all!!
I was very moved & so happy to hear that the braclet was found. You helped me realize that in life sometimes we loose things & gain others. So important to remember the difference.
thank you for sharing this with all of us.
wishing you a wonderful journey
always grateful for your support & input
Maria,
You are an inspiration to everyone. Thanks for all your positive energy and understanding of dificult situations. Always good to open your eyes and see whats going on before you react.
Thank you for more then you can imagine.
Maria:
It’s one thing to react and another to respond.
One always fares better when we can DETACH from feeling and ego, REFLECT on what’s best for everyone and RISE above the drama.
When you choose to let go of the negative, you always lose something you can find again — with a greater gain in the process.
Thank you for sharing your personal story and such a great lesson.
I always got something out of you, and i learned a lot since I know you, especially the stay calm at any situations that I do practice not always but often. You has been a big plus in my life and in my recovery of growing up as a woman. I had not long ago had the same situation with my daughter in law Juliet, who lost $22 at a whole garage sale in a Greek church, like your daughter, she panik, got angry, blame herself and her sisters. I stayed calm and with the louder voice that I have, I made an announcement. On our way to the car, a man run to us and hanged her $22 that he found!!!!!
I learned that from you also, don’t be shy. And speak up.
Anyway Thank you Maria for everything, you always bring laught in my live.
Life it’s easier than it looks with your arguments and advices… Thanks!
thank you all for the positives
life is easier when get have feedback
it creates clarity