In Search of Mommy!
Aug18

In Search of Mommy!

 By Maria Caso: Sometimes it seems everyone has a mommy but me. My mom died 25 years ago. For me it has been so long that I usually forget — except lately. I can’t pinpoint exactly when I started to feel this way, or the exact reason I’ve begun longing for her, except that I have started to have challenges with my tween daughter and my reactions to her are the same ones my mother had with me. It seems l am reliving my childhood through Havana. No matter what I do I am always wrong. I look bad, I dress ridiculously, things are starting to droop, l’m simply just not cool. I am here to serve her. Period. There are times I want to cry from the sheer pressure of bringing up another human being. Why is there no manual given to you at birth on how to raise a teenager? There are books out there but I did not believe them. I remember a movie producer friend asking me: “How are you going to raise a child and work at the same time?” I remember saying: “Piece of cake. It’s just one kid.” How could I be so wrong? I really had no clue, and feel a bit stupid, and all this brings me back to my mommy, whom I miss so much. Rita was not so great at her job of being a mother. I always blamed her for that. For not being cool enough, or pretty enough…all the things my daughter now says to me. Is she channeling the grandmother she never met? My mom lives in heaven, which is no help to me here on earth where I really need her. But when I close my eyes and feel her energy I always say” “Mommy, I am so sorry I wasn’t appreciative enough of all the efforts you put forth on my behalf. And I want to apologize for not being a better person to you. You did the best you could with the resources at hand and I think I turned out pretty much okay.” Same thing I hope my daughter Havana will say one day about me. I miss you mami Rita. Maria Caso / Life coach / Single Mom in Manhattan...

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Coach mom to the rescue
Sep24

Coach mom to the rescue

 By Maria Caso:  My sweet, cute, often misunderstood teenage daughter recently turned 14, so a party was in order. She attends a private school on the upper west side. It’s definitely a school Manhattan populated by  the 1% all the occupiers have been occupying about. I, on the other hand, am a proud citizen of the 99%, We planned an extravaganza, consisting of a sleepover accompanied by a dinner beforehand. A good friend created digital evites and we sent them out. No response. We send them out again. This time, parents began declining the invitation with numerous excuses. Only 3 girls agreed to come out of the 18 invited. I was baffled. My daughter, devastated. What happened? It occurred to me that these kids are accustomed to elite clubs, fancy restaurants, birthdays spent in the private rooms of museums – everything fancy and posh under the sun except a good old fashioned sleepover party in somebody’s apartment. Gross. I was left with a sad, defeated teenager who already has enough on her plate. We sat and talked about how we could make her birthday fabulous, but all she wanted to do was cancel everything. It’s time for: THE COACH! I began by asking empowering questions, and then answers begin to emerge.  At one point she asked: “If my friends can’t come, how am I  going to get any gifts”?” She then realized her so-called school buddies were not her only friends — she has grownup friends too.! Now the plan changes and we invite over 50 people, mostly my friends who have all watched her grow up. So what happens? They all show up gifts galore. There are gifts pouring out into the hallway. Her 3 buddies come too and the evening becomes truly spectacular. Someone brought a guitar, another a dog, “crazed party chic” showed up ready to party at midnight. My daughter was so happy. And so was I, for her. The lesson? It doesn’t matter if we are not like the other parents at that fancy school. An old-fashioned single mom and daughter re-framing the evening and purpose worked wonders. And led to an abundance of riches of all kinds. More than occurred in most chic clubs that evening, I would wager. Maria Caso / Life coach/ Single mom in manhattan...

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